Struggles and regrets: we all have them

So school started a week ago, I'm now a junior! This past week has killed me already and I am already so stressed! So I hope some of you are doin better than me haha! Anyway today I'm gonna talk about struggles. Trust me we all have them. From depression to family members getting hurt. We all have things that happen to us and we don't understand it. This summer my great uncle died. He was a grandfather to me and it's hard to picture the world with out him! He was a faithful person and he loved his family. That was and is still a stuggle for me. For those of you that have older sibling(s) that just graduated in 2016, and are now moving into college, it's hard to watch them go right? I mean you have lived with them your whole life and then all of a sudden they aren't  there. I promise they will come back. They are family and they love you. Struggles. We hate them but they are what make us human. I was talking with one of my best friends today and we were talking about something that had happened to me in my past and she told me "you shouldn't hate yourself for the rest of your life, and whatever happened in the past happened but you're sorry for it so forgive yourself and stop thinking about it. God is soo forgiving" and I agree with her. If you did something that you can't forget and you keep blaming yourself, well all I can say to you is you also need to learn to forgive your self, it's the only way you can move on. Ask God for help, cause like my friend told me, He is so forgiving. Struggles and regrets. We are all human we mess up. It's our nature. Can we change it? Yeah of course! You don't want to grow up and look back on your life and regret everything. So go out there  listen to God and yeah you will have bumps along the way but a least in the end you'll be happier. So struggles and regrets we all have them. Let's learn to forgive our selves.

Moving on

This is to all you seniors.
Enjoy your last days of high school because when you get out into the world it will be different then high school. I'm only a sophomore but my brother is a senior and he is having a rough time, he is gonna miss all his friends he made in high school and he is gonna miss all the fun times with the marching band and it's hard on him to leave. Yeah high school may be a pain in the butt but you don't realize what you have until it's gone. All you seniors have grown up together for 4 years now, y'all have became each other's best friends. And that is some thing you'll never forget. Y'all are family to each other. Who cares about popularity or anything you all are graduating that's the truth. That's the final statement. You are all seniors, yeah some may have better grades or maybe more athletic or more musically talented but all in all you are all the class of 2016. Remember the memories you have made over these past four years because when your older those memories may be all ou have of those people, say they love far away and you don't get to see them barely ever the thing you will look to is the memories you made. So congratulations to the class of 2016, you guys will go out into the world and will do amazing just believe in yourself. Good luck. :)

Definition of family is what you make it

Have you have though yourself where do I belong? I know I have a lot. And to tell you the truth I'm still not so sure of where I do belong. Everyone has their own interpretation of where home is, and what family is. To me family is the peop that care and live for you no matter what goes on in your life and they will always stick by your side. So yeah to me family is blood because if it was well then I don't know my family and I don't have one, but family isn't about the DNA at all really, I mean scientificly yes it is all about DNA but FYI I'm not a scientist so family isn't all about blood to me. I consider a lot of my best friends my family also because they are there for me when I fall and they help me get up. I was born six week premature and born at home, and then my biological parents took me to the hospital and left me there for the doctor and nurses to take care of and after like a few weeks there the hospital gave me to an orphanage and I was there for 9 months until Ann and Terry Council came and adopted me all the way from Austin Texas! At the time I was half way across the world from them all the way in Chita Siberia. They gave up their time to invest in a little girl hopeless and alone, they came and got me. And to me THAT is family right there. Did they have to leave all that they knew for 9 day to travel half way across the country? No, but they did because family, because DNA doesn't matter in the long run, what matters is who will stay by you when your troubled, when your gone my through some tough situation. My friends Paige and Kenna have been there for me these past few weeks when I was going through a tough situation and I can't thank them enough, to me THEY are family. So in the end the definition of family is kinda what you make of it, whether you completely disagree with me and think family is DNA, or if you agree with me, or even if you have your own definition of family, I'm not gonna tell you what family is cause that's not my job but just remember the ones that stay are meant to stay for a reason and the ones that leave? Well they are also meant to leave for a reason.

Letting go of the why

As life has gone on these past few weeks I have found myself asking the same question everyday and that question is why? And everyone I know asks themselves that same question also. So I think I finally came to some conclusion of why...we all hope for this so call thing perfection yet in reality the only person that is perfect is God. Everyday we wake up and we are thinking to our selves today will be a great day, then by the time we get home we are all like I'm so done with everything right now. Why is that? Oh Looky there is that question why again. Why did this happen to me? Why did this person do that? Why didn't I do that? Why did I do this? There are a thousand why questions out there and obviously the only one that can answer the why questions in your life is yourself so go ahead sit down for a second and think and you probably won't come up with some of the answers on the top of your head and that's ok, I know I didn't. These past few months I have been dealing with a personal issue and I kept thinking why didn't I stop it?  Why did I let it continue? Why didn't I tell someone the first time it happened? There were all these why questions going through my head and some are even still there but recently after finally talking to a few different people about the situation I realized that I don't have to have all the answer right now or maybe not even in a few years from now do I have to know all the answers. The thing that happened has been keeping me stressed and worried and so many other things, but I finally put a stop to it all and all those why questions started to fade, yeah they still come back but they are mainly gone. Your probably asking well what does this have to do with me or my situation I'm going through and I'm about to tell you. Everyone has their struggles as they go through out life and everyone's struggles are different, but I say talk about it. It really does help to talk to someone you trust about something. I know it's was difficult for me to tell somebody for a while but once I did I felt way better. So these why questions....why can't we get rid of them? Well I can say that maybe we never will but you can at least start by trying too. They will keep popping up and keep showing up in your head trying to distract you from what really matters. So here is my challenge for you. Let go of something that was a why question for you. Whether it be why didn't I study for that test I knew I had. Or whether it be something more personal like mine. I know I'm letting it go now and my why questions for that may never be answered and that's ok too! Because I don't want this one thing that happened and all the why questions that come with it stuck in my head the rest of my life and I don't think you do either, so let go of some of those why questions trust me you will feel way better.


"Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go" -Hermann Hesse

A wonderful year

This year was way better than expected and my freshman year of high school turned out alright. Who am I kidding, there were ups and down, loses of friendships I thought would last a life time and lots of tears. I never though I would have cried as much as i did this year sometimes for good reason and other times for bad. But it just showed me that you cant rely on movies to tell you how your freshman year is gonna go, cause honey it does not turn out that way in reality. I never though I would have gotten as close to the girls in guard as I did. They have made my freshman year worth wild. Most of the classes were fun and interesting yet hard and down right confusing, but hey that's what freshman is is supposed to be like at least in reality. Seniors will have come and gone and I have learned to love them all (at least the ones i knew on guard) So I'm gonna take a second to recognize a few of them. First up is Arianna, she is one of the sweetest, most nicest seniors I know, she can be so sassy so if you meet her watch out, she teases me a lot but I know in the end I'm gonna miss her so much and no one can ever replace her. Second is Andrea, she was my adopted big sister in guard and she loved what ever she did, she is so very talented and amazing at what she does. And she loves basically anyone who she meets. Next up we have Lynmarie. Lynmarie always knew how to make someone smile when they were feeling down, she is a very talented young lady and always puts so much dedication into whatever she does. These three senior are the senior I will miss a lot next year even though I know God has a wonderful plan in mind for each of them. This year has gone by fast but it was worth it and i couldn't have asked for a Freshman year. Thank you to everyone who was there for me this year, I can't thank y'all enough. Well finals are next week and then its summer, i still can't believe it after writing this. Summer is here. time for a new year to began soon.

American Soliders

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWrMeBR8W-c

The link above is for the song American Soldier by Toby Keith.

 People go out everyday risking their lives just so we can have peace and freedom, yet we take what we have for granted. People in this world have lost a family member or a close friend because they went to war and got shot. So why does this up and coming generation take the things they have for granted? Some kids have to worry about where their next meal is coming form, some kids don't have a father or mother, either because of war or another reason. So why do some people go home and stuff their faces with food. They people we have the support and serve for our country are amazing people and yet their kids and family and friends never really know if they are gonna make it home. I know me for one took my life for granted. I was adopted from Russia and blessed with an amazing family and yet can I treat them right? most of the time yes but there are times where I take them for granted, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here in Austin Texas today. So don't take what you have for granted cause you never know how fast it can be gone. I want to take a second to thank all the men and women that serve for our country. Thank y'all.

Define your Popular

My mom when I talk to her about school and how people are defined in groups basically she is like well aren't you popular and I'm like no mom no I'm not popular and she is always like well define your popular. So here goes nothing. To me popular is about your personality more than the group of people you hang out with, Popular is about what you mean to your friends. The way the world defines popular is by who you are friends with, your hair, your shoes, the way you dress and a lot of other stupid stuff. As I went into high school I realized that there really aren't the groups that you had in middle school, I mean yeah they are there but you can't really see it, theater kids are friends with cheerleaders, Band kids and color guard girls are friends with the dance team, everyone doesn't really belong to a certain group, I mean you belong to an organization but you have friends outside that group also.
I asked some kids at my school to define what being popular meant to them and how they would define it. Here is some feed back:
"having a lot of genuine friends and just being an out going person in general" -Taylor

" To me being popular means everyone knows who you are and you are liked by almost everyone you know" -Veronica

"Popular is everyone knows who you are and everyone wants to be your friend because of your status" - Arianna

"You know a lot of people that talk good about you and they are all your friends." - Alyssa

"My definition of popular is not if you're like on the football team or cheer team it's about how many people like you and if you're respectful to the people who do like you or maybe even don't really like you. And that you can be popular without being well known." -Anna

 

" Probably like people look up to you. You have lots of friends and you're well liked" - Kylie

When I asked these people to define their popular and what popular means there were some answers that were the same and some different. I really like Anna's response to the question because what she said is what people in my generation don't get. They don't get that is doesn't matter if you are head cheerleader or head football captain yes of course you should be happy, but to a certain extent that you don't go and change your whole out look on life. So many teenagers change them selves just to fit in with the popular crowd. what is the point? I promise every girl and boy and teenagers out there that those people who you call friends in your little "popular" group, half of them talk about you behind your back, so why waste your time trying to be a person they want you to be when you can be friends with people who actually care about you and won't talk to you behind your back. Define your popular. Is it about looks, what position you are on a team? or is it personality, true friends that will stand by you when times are hard? Define your popular not the worlds popular.